Disabled Conversation Etiquette.

How to talk to a sick or an invalided, by professor Solomon Mandrake.

The first thing to remember when talking to a person with any disability is to look at and speak directly to that person, rather than through a companion who may be standing next to them in a raincoat holding sandwiches.

RELAX. Don't be embarrassed if you happen to use accepted common expressions such as "See you later" or "Got to be running along" that seem to relate to the person's disability. "Get a move on" however is rude and should be avoided where possible.

To get the attention of a person with a hearing impairment, tap the him or her on the shoulder or wave your hands in his/her face. Look directly at the person and speak very loudly and very slowly to establish if the ears work at all. Many hearing impaired folk rely on facial expressions and other body language to help in understanding. Do a dance maybe, or some form of shadow puppetry.

Place yourself between a light source and a wall and use your hands to explain what you’re saying via the use of animals. Keep your hands, cigarettes and food away from your mouth when speaking and keep moustaches well-trimmed. Shouting won't help. Written notes/violence may.

When talking with a person in a wheelchair for more than a few minutes, sit yourself down on a stool, whenever possible, in order to place yourself at the person's eye level. This will facilitate conversation – and also you may be getting a bit bored and your legs will probably appreciate the rest.

When greeting a person with a severe loss of vision, always identify yourself and others who may be with you by shouting names out.

• EXAMPLE: On my right is Penelope Jones. Next to her is me. I am Solomon Mandrake. Hello.

When conversing in a group that includes a blind person, give a vocal cue by announcing the name of the person to whom you are speaking. Speak in a normal tone of voice, and indicate in advance when you will be moving from one place to another. Always let it be known when the conversation is at an end by saying "Roger [or whoever], over and out."

Remember: do not shout at a person who is blind or visually impaired - he or she can hear you!

As a general rule to facilitate conversation, be prepared to offer a visual cue to a hearing impaired person or an audible cue to a vision impaired person, especially when more than one person is speaking. Try shouting out the name of visually impaired person each time you want them to say something. If they are hearing impaired – a firm shake of the shoulders should suffice.

Listen attentively when you're talking to a person who has a speech impairment. Keep your manner encouraging rather than correcting. Exercise patience rather than attempting to speak for a person with speech difficulty. When necessary, ask short questions that require short answers or a nod or a shake of the head. Never pretend to understand if you are having difficulty doing so. Repeat what you understand ad infinitum. If in doubt, just point.

Next time: talking to ladies - not to their breasts.