Who wants to look a ninny on air? Not Tarrant that's who (pictured here with son Clive).   Gay-friendly: Tarrant pals up with TV chum Dermot.   Would you credit it? Disabilities writer Joey Malone typed this story in with his good hand - it's the HOOK one, you bigots. (The other one's a bit spastic).

My son has got his hat on, hip, hip, hip he’s gay; my son has got his hat on and he’s coming out today.

So said millionaire Millionaire host and all round blonde goon Chris Tarrant at an urgently arranged but poorly attended press conference last night.

It appears that Chris's eldest son Clive was poised fashionably (as they always are) to announce to the world that he was a gay man.

Clive Tarrant (21) decided he was gay last weekend after returning from a trip around Thailand and, according to his father: "Woke up with his bread buttered on the poncey side."

Chris (father of two) seems, it seems, to have felt the need to pre-empt his son and heir’s anticipated candid confession by second-guessing him and getting in there first.

"I wanted to get in there first" he claimed.

"I felt that the public had a right to know that I knew first, and that I knew that the public knew that I knew all about it before they did."

The perpetually lighthearted entertainer continued: "My son floored us all over breakfast at the Café Rouge in Esher last Sunday when he came on like a ponce unannounced."

Tarrant went on the explain how, with a wicked flourish of his newly acquired cowboy hat, and a roll of his shining eyes to Heaven, Clive had simply stated: "I’m a bender".

"He likes boys" ponders Chris, "He likes to look at them and sometimes touch them. Nothing wrong with that at all. I don’t actually have any problems with it. No immediate problems occur to me concerning the gayness of my son. I just wanted to make sure that it didn’t appear as if it came as a surprise to me. That’s all."

Clive Tarrant was due to don his new cowboy hat and inform the world of his "Greek streak" this week, but has since decided not to bother.