From Playschool to GAY schools.

Gay children is not such a new phenomenon as you might think, it’s just that you haven’t heard of it yet. But think about it. With the increase of gay couples allowed to have children the rise in gay kids was bound to happen.

Every son wants to be like his dad when he’s young, and if that dad is a big gay ponce then that’s what little Jimmy will want to be when he grows up. Likewise, all little girls mimic their mums, and so a marked increase in the number of little lesbians has also been seen, dressed up like their mummies in jeans, lumberjack shirts and workman’s boots.

These homo-youngsters need an education, and one that suits their sexuality, so this month sees the opening of Britain’s first school for gay children, by none other than Chris Smith, the gay-culture minister.

There’s been much words of outrage (including "no", "yuk" and "crikey") from straight people who simply don’t like it. But the fact of the matter is that homosexual parents have been campaigning for years to allow their gay children to get a gay schooling equivalent to the heterosexual education their straight counterparts get.

These new ‘pink’ centres of learning will allow both boy and girl gays in, though playgrounds will still be single sex.

Certain curriculum changes will have to be made from the un-gay teaching of straight schools including:

English literature: Oscar Wilde will replace Shakespeare.

Biology: hetero-sex will not be included in the syllabus. Instead pupils will learn about test tube babies and artificial insemination. A more hetero-sceptic approach will be established, concentrating on the type of sex seen in gay-porn and lesbo-action movies.

Philosophy: older pupils will learn the teachings of the Sapphist movement.

Maths: more gay numbers will be used including 3, 8 and 14.

Said a gay dad “It’s really fab. Our gay son Simon is getting on really well with his new bum-chums. Mind you, I went to Eton and some of the antics the boys get up to doesn’t sound much different to when I was at school. Except maybe they use more openly gay biscuits.”