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Web sights for the blind.
The new government
initiative called UK Online, to get the
UK online quite soon, has been put under
some pressure from the Home Secretary.
Blunkett, the bearded
non-seeing miracle minister, believes a
certain group of society has been left out
in the cold when it comes to using the world
wide web, that group being the people who
are blind in the eyes, known simply as 'the
blind'.
The Internet has been
criticised for being inclusive of all other
disabilities except that of the vision-avoider.
Deaf people are able to work computers pretty
normally, though music files are apparently
wasted on them.
Paralysed people, paraplegics
or even those without arms and legs are
have long since been able to compute - thanks
to the invention of the "typing hat"
- a ballpoint pen stuck on the front of
a handy cap with which handicappers can
tap away at a keyboard, albeit a bit slowly.
But the blind have remained forgotten, until
now that is.
Phase one of Blunkett’s
new scheme has already begun, with the manufacture
of braille keyboards. Unfortunately however
there are over 1000 characters in braille-speak,
so the keyboards have to be really big.
Another problem arose
when it appeared the blind computer users
couldn’t read the text they had just
typed, so do-gooding helpers have volunteered
themselves to tell the blinders what they
have just written.
But Mr. Blunkett’s
biggest bugbear is pornography and the prevalence
of it on the net.
Blunkett’s job, as
Home Secretary, involves “watching”
pornography video imports to “see”
if they are suitable for the general public.
People of restricted vision
are not known for their luck in love and
Blunkett is afraid that the number of blind
web-surfers will result in an increase of
sightless porn-users.
Luckily there’s no
chance of them losing their eyesight from
wanking too much. That’s just a myth.
WHAT ABOUT
POSH PEOPLE?
Like the blind,
posh people have also been found to be incredibly
inept at using computers. So the government
has thrust out its hand of help in a hope
to get them online "as soon as Posh".
If plans go as planned, this time next year
poshies will be tapping away at their keyboards
using a specially invented UPPER-CLASS
font. |
