"Yeah man, that's right - all summer been riding" says questioned cyclist.   Reporter: Vangard Roar - when it comes to war, he knows the score (it's still nil-nil). Unlike the American peoples, as he finds out in this report here.

There's a war on - you MORON.

Commentators have called the bing-bang-boom at the World Trade Center (sic) the loudest alarm clock in history - a wake up call for an America which seemed drowsy, dozy and almost certainly running late for work. But it seems that the "average Joe on the street" still has a deeply limited knowledge of what is occurring in the rest of the world.

In fact, many in the US do not yet realise they have been at war with planes and stuff for several weeks now.

Americans have never looked so stupid, say some. (Apart from the usual farce with baseball caps, bad spelling and cowboys etc.) But plans to address this federal cerebral slump are already underway, with Operation INFINITE WISDOM, a national awareness campaign being run by the US army, in collaboration with Starbucks.

With the mission of re-educating America's children, US "hi-skools" nation-wide are being forced to scrap "math" and replace it with fast-track classes in "just paying attention".

For adults, all 300 existing "fat camps" scattered throughout the nation, originally built to administer the harsh (but fair) humiliation of porky youngsters, have been closed and then immediately reopened as public "concentration camps" for over 21s.

Tens of thousands of nonplussed citizens have already been packed off in big trucks to these self-styled Focus Farms, where they attend intensive week-long "Hey, What's Going On Man?" seminars.

Attendees are encouraged to shake off the shackles of smug complacency and misplaced superiority via the use of role-playing exercises, cappucinos and canoes. The program includes an entire day course in talking instead of shouting, and an exercise where attendees are taught to see their own hands in front of their faces. In extreme cases, hugging is used.

Before bedding down and saying their prayers, the day ends with inmates being encouraged to try asking God to bless somewhere else for a fucking change - with the aid of a specially adapted atlas with phonetically spelt place names.