Kathman-DON'T.

Khaki-clad rucksack-wearing beach botherers the world over are bunging their Bill Brysons in the bin and bashing their bonces against good old British-built brick walls this month, as the results of tests on their brains prove once and for all that Travelling (With a Capital T) - far from broadening their minds and making them wordly wise - has in actual fact made them more stupid than ever.

The results of psychology experiments on a group of travellers just back "off safari" from Kathmandu showed a decrease in nouse by an average of 60%, clear signs of retardation, advanced slatting of the frontal lobes and first degree dulling of the "clever tendons".

The possible cause? Heat say some, leading to a short-circuitry of the synapses as a result of "the brain sweats" - while others have blamed the funny foreign food.

More cases are being discovered in the UK daily. So far medical science has acknowledged and named three strands of the syndrome: "Stateside Slip", "Indonesia Amnesia", and the "Bahrain Brain Drain".

Official advice is to drop your pseudo-hippy globe-trotting pretensions, stay in your own country, and go to the fucking museums or something.

STOP PRESS................

A Mr Terry Crossbow, who last year went all the way to Burundi in a bid to find himself, has finally returned to his semi in Hartlepool only to discover that he had been living next door to himself all along.