Mr Porky's telling porkies.

Pig skin snack king Mr Porky has been struck off for the use of itching powder to boost the productivity of his pigs’ scratchings.

Former brothel baron Ian Porky, 56, had made good his fortune from the crackling-based bites after a bunch of posh school kids destroyed his strip club with their speedboats.

But now once more Porky’s world has come crashing around his pig’s ear, that being what he has made of things again, with the illegal use of joke shop products on his farm.

Investigations by tipped-off top government officials in top hats on Porky’s pig-pen premises uncovered not only itching powder but pig-shaped hair shirts, biscuit crumbs, feather dusters and a signed, framed photograph of funnyman Ken Dodd.

Midget Pork Scratchings giant Mr Porky denies further allegations that he was employing sex pests and school children on his farms in the production of Beef Rubbings, Mutton Scabs and Crispy Aromatic Duck Chinese Burns to sell on the red meat black market.