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Pasta La Vista (where pastas
begin from). 1690:
the discovery of pastas
Columbus arrives back from a
spice trip to China. He delves straight into his
breeches and pulls out his noodles for the King
of Spain to see.
When the Spaniards saw them,
they couldn’t believe he let his sailors
eat them, and Columbus was promptly thrown into
a dungeon. He was allowed out a few years later
to discover America, but that’s another story.
In fact it wasn’t until
the 1960’s
that pasta became a popular food and found its
place on the Italian dinner plate.
Pasta today: sores
and sauce
In recent years pasta’s
popularity has fallen with the discovery of pasta
sores. Over indulging (as many Italians do) in
the eating of pasta can lead to heavy red blood
cell levels.
These blood cells get
pulled down by gravity into the legs area and
get stuck there, sometimes for days, clotting
up and going all lumpy, rendering the eater incapable
of a walking movement with their feets.
The only relief is to bleed
the leg and let the “ragu” of clotted
red blood cells out and into a jar. It is not
thought that Loyd Grossman had the idea for his
posh pasta sauces from this at all, and definitely
didn’t witness it whilst visiting hospital
recently trying to improve food for the infirm.
Pasta La Lista (an A-Z of modern
day's pastas)
A is for...
Tortellini
A pasta filled with cheese and other shit, these
little parcels look like the thing a cleaning
lady wears on her head
B is for...
Oricchiette
Tiny pasta ears
C is for...
Tagliattelli
Tapeworm-shaped pastas, but better for you
D is for...
Penne
Sounds like a pen, looks like a pen but quite
unusable for writing
E is for...
Radiatori - new!
Mad pasta from the future!
F is for...
Farfalle
A miniature bow tie, but made up from pasta
G is for...
Shell
A shell-like pasta in a shell-like shape
H is for...
Twist
All twisted
I is for...
Cravatte
Worn round the neckie
J is for...
Cannelloni
Big tubes of pasta, about the size of a penis
K is for...
Dente d’elephante
Elephant's tooth, but not to scale
L is for...
Dishi volante
Shaped like flying saucers, but without the sherbert
filling
Z is for...
Alphabeti
All different letters starting at A and ending
with Z. WARNING: do not serve to dyslexics. |
