Things that you're liable to read in the Bible ain't nece-CELERY so.

A potted history of everyone's favourite green stalky dipper.

Celery was first discovered in the Middle East by falafel farmers in 400BC. It soon became a crucial crudité of the Jewish people and was first mentioned in the bible a few days later.

Leviticus Chapter 11:

"And the Lord spake unto Moses saying unto him; These shall ye not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the hoof; as the camel, the pony, the swine; and those which are an abomination among the fowls: as the vulture, kite, raven, owl, cuckoo, cormorant, swan, pelican, stork, heron and the lapwing for they are unclean birds. But eat as much celery as you like"

As the Christian faith went from strength to strength so the worldwide eating of celery rose in popularity. Missionaries were known to carry bundles of the stuff on their trips to Africa, and vicars always keep a crafty stalk behind the altar.

But celery's darkest hour came in 1939 with the empowerment of Adolf Hitler and his Third Reich. As the German leader proceeded to invade most of Europe, so celery sales plummeted drastically.

Hitler's infamous hatred of our long green friend surpasses even his loathing of tennis. The evil moustachioed celery avoider banned it from all buffets during his reign. Great piles of the innocent vegetable matter were seen burning from Berlin to Paris. Anyone found eating celery, or even carrying it in their pocket under Nazi rule would be shot immediately, if not before or after.

But recent studies done by biologists have concluded that perhaps celery shouldn't be as popular as it once was, proving that for once Herr Hitler might have been right. Said top biology bod Alan: "We tried some celery the other day and it was fucking boring."