Hitchcock in hat shock.

Alfred Hitchcock, famed thriller director of such thrilling videos as Michael Jackson’s big Thriller video, has been told posthumously by top stylists that despite having a very good head for heights, he has a very bad height for hats.

The news comes as a surprise for those who worked with the baldy Vertigo director, who knew him to get through as many as a whole bowl of bowler hats a day by putting them on his head – and sometimes even the bowl itself. However top hat style experts Trilby and Sombrero from TV’s Hat Not to Wear program say that Alfred should never have been seen wearing any kind of a hat unless he was also wearing stilts. Which he never was.

Indeed, the only type of hat that Hitchock would suit would be a fur hat, say Trilby and Sombrero – a verdict that might well sit well on Hitchock’s hairless head but that would not sit at all well on his broad ethical shoulders. For as many readers will no doubt remember, Hitchcock appeared in an anti-fur-hat poster campaign for some chap called Peter back in 1964, when he was pictured in the buff under the slogan “I’d pre-Vertigo (prefer to go) naked than wear fur hats.”